I love math. I am a math nerd. Differential equations gives me the shivers. I promise you, this is real life. Lol I do enjoy it. I enjoy that I can solve any problem thrown at me with a bit of understanding and maybe some conversions. That’s it. No deep thought that has me lost and confused about what God wants for me. 2+2 = 4…BAM. But life isn’t like that at all is it?
Lately, I’ve been trying to listen to different types of music and watch more shows. My cousins had be watching Rick and Marty today. Lol Not bad actually. I have been on this kick to find who is Krystal. Why she is so awkward and selfish? It’s like I don’t want to talk about myself, and then I do want to talk about myself. “Oh stop it! But did you see this highlight though?!” I already know my framework is good and positive but my inner me fights within so much on who I am and who I am meant to be. I know I’m going to be used in a way that needs my shy and introverted ways to subside, but I have to discipline myself… right? Eh… lol I”ll pass. However, why limit the greatness God has for us?
Michael Todd has been preaching some amazing word to me lately. I like to watch sermons when I get ready. I do slip up some days and just watch Living Single or The Golden Girls…these shows will never die… don’t fight me on this. I fight dirty and I will kick you. Michael Todd said that sometimes it’s not your enemy, but your “inner me”. Man. Am I the only one who speaks negativity on my own self.
- Krystal, you’re too chunky, he won’t pay you any mind.
- Krystal, you were too lazy to finish your degree the first time, jobs don’t care that you are in school with a 4.0 currently, you still don’t have a DEGREE! Why would they want you in management?
- Krystal, your skin doesn’t look like Sanai Latham’s, with all that texture. Keep that makeup on, he won’t like you with it off.
- Krystal, you have bat wings on your arms, that’s not cute, don’t wear that.
Crazy thing is, these were the words I’ve said to myself. Only you can defeat you. No one else can with God by your side. If God is for us, who can be against us?
Me, myself, and I.
Krystal the procrastinator, the one who compares, the one who feels defeated because she doesn’t look the best in the room, the one who is intimidated by people with degrees. For the past few days, I’ve been speaking into the mirror about who I am and who I won’t be. Say it aloud until you execute it. All we can do is try right?
I’m going to leave math as what it is, my guilty pleasure that I can control and solve. However, if life was too easy, we wouldn’t know how blessed and fortunate we are. Without those trials, you may not understand how your situation is truly a glow up. Inspire someone else who doesn’t realize that control is not in our hands, but living our best present life is what matters. Speaking positivity and love on others instead of criticism and judgments. I do this. I’ve judged so many people. It’s insecurities that lead to many of our sinful ways. All I can do is ask for forgiveness and break the habit. Loving yourself shouldn’t be the hardest math problem in your book.
Love God, Love Yourself,