To the Men that Wasted My Time…this is for You

Wake up Krys.

I dream of a world where I’m best friends with all of my ex’s. For most folks that would be a nightmare. Not for me. Most of the time they were good friends and became a best friend. Honestly, most of them I am cool with in some form. Either it’s because they realized the queen they had is gone, or we realized that a friendship was definitely there.

Now, what about those ex’s y’all had that wasted your time? I have approximately 2. One more recent that honestly I wouldn’t even consider an ex, but he received pieces of my being. Then one that took me YEARS to get over. First off…he won’t even that cute or ambitious so why was a such a thirsty lirsty over him? Girl…girl…HOW…HOW…Don’t ask me. I was on a drug that wasn’t sniffable, smokeable, or injectable. It was some codependency stuff that I must have got out the water or something. Now how do you avoid calling them losses and making them lessons? How do you go from wastes, to defining my true tastes in men? Or how do you realize time spent is money earned? Yes honey, money earned…

1. Why do you feel like you wasted my time?

My first ex was talking to every other girl but me. I could never get him to just invest in me. Now it goes deeper than just that, but no tangents. I spent from 2007 to 2017 wondering if he will realize how fly I am and dope of a woman I will keep growing into. I felt like I sat waiting and trying for him to find the value that I should have seen in myself. Oops…yea that sounds like a me problem.

2. What made you feel he was worth the time?

He made me feel special when we first started dating. Bought me some Cook Out trays and even spent the extra money for chili cheese fries. He loved to be affectionate and lovey dovey. I wasn’t used to that. So basically…he treated me like I was supposed to be treated? I honestly at the time didn’t even know how you are supposed to be treated. Then when he came back in my life, he didn’t even know how to treat me at all. Gave up if he felt like his feelings weren’t reciprocated in the exact way. Comes down to love languages being understood and showing people how to love each other. We didn’t have that. Honestly, we may not have been meant to figure those out.

3. Was he someone who improved you spiritually and mentally during your time?

My latest, improved me a few mental and spiritual ways. However, once again, our love languages and understanding of each other didn’t coincide and wasn’t educated on. How can you expect someone to love you the way you want to be loved and you barely know each other? That’s like going into a restaurant and telling the waitress to surprise you with you favorite. SHE DON’T KNOW YOU BABY! LOL A man or woman can legitmately show you that they love you, and you won’t even receive it because you show yours in a completely different way. Education and understanding were in lack.

I didn’t know myself enough to love a man. I didn’t know my God enough to love a man. My fellow guys were in the same boat. Lost and seeking validation in a person. Am I marriage material in my eyes. Heck to the mother loving yes. I know myself better than I have ever given a man a chance to. I think the only other people who know me in so many degrees, are probably my best friends. So like 2 people lol. I’m loving and motivational. I want so much for myself and others. I’ve learned that I want to own businesses and make sure my fellow people are employed and given equal opportunity and the same pay. My lessons improved me spirtually, mentally and even gave me a business sense.

Your ex’s are never a waste of time. They are our longest lessons of who we are. We find out who we are and who we want to be. My last ex showed me that I am more loving than I allowed myself to be. I am more submissive than I gave myself credit for being. I found out I still had not found who I was. I was and am still fighting the urge to seek validation in a man. He has to tell me I’m pretty for me to know it. Now I know, his compliment is just the exclamation mark on my sentence of dopeness that I have made about myself.

God gives you clarity. We get so impatient that we won’t wait. I learned my lesson. Honey child…get to know you before you enter any relationship. I can’t instruct a man on how to treat Krys Lashante if he doesn’t even know that my middle name is my alter ego. My Shante that twerks off beat in the kitchen. Or the one that cries out of pure joy. Wait on him. If he isn’t the husband, he’s the lesson on how to treat your husband. Take notes.

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Love God, Love Yourself,

Love Krys…Krys Lashante

10 thoughts on “To the Men that Wasted My Time…this is for You

  1. Uriah says:

    My my my, great read. I can say that my past relationships have taught me a lot. Reading this just reiterates, the fact that all relationships good and bad can always be some form of learning experience. My ex’s have taught me many things, one main thing is, I don’t shrug 🤷🏾‍♂️ off the small stuff, if I see it once, I’ll probably see it again, (things I don’t like) I pay way more attention! I don’t want to waste no ones time and I def don’t want them wasting mine. Once again great read, Krys!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Borah K says:

    Woooooooooow woooooow wow, I absolutely love this. Such an excellent article. Girl I’m so glad you realized how amazing and special you are. It’s okay if your ex’s didnt see that. Its definitely their lost. God has someone just for you. The King will find you, his Queen.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Key says:

    Ouuuuuuu!!!! Knowledge being dropped left AND right! Mom was just telling me about getting the lesson the other day. Thank you for writing so such a thourough and enjoyable post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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